People I Love Like Family
For years I used to keep a diary (or journal I guess it's called if you're over the age of 16). I still have my diaries from when I was younger. Most were filled with my mundane daily routine and proclamations of love for whatever crush I had at the moment, how much I loved my parents, God, my school, my church. How much I hated certain rules and punishments. How I couldn't wait to be old enough to be on my own. Now I pretty much write emails that are based along the same lines. I talk and communicate with my family daily. I love them so very much and am so blessed to have them still in my life. I tweet or post facebook statuses about my job, my church, my latest crush (lol) voice my disagreements/disappoints and how I remember the good old days. :-)
Then I have a small group of friends, most of whom I've met within the past 6 years, that I feel like are as close to me as family. Since I always tell my biological family how much I love them, I figured it was time for me to tell this close knit group of people how much they mean to me as well:
My Little Sister -
I have 2 brothers. One older and one younger. I'm the only girl in the sibling group and this girl is the first of group of friends that I quickly connected with. She's much younger than me in age, but not in mindset. We connected from our mutual love a particular music group and were virtually inseparable for a few years - even though we lived in almost polar opposite locations of the U.S. She has recently become a new mom and though we may not talk or get together as much as we used to, when we do meet up it's as is there was never any time lost. I feel like I've watched her grow up a bit and she's even helped me do some growing of my own. I still feel like I want to protect her sometimes, from the things that make her upset and to shelter her from what I think would do her harm. But she's her own person, she's miles and miles away and she can handle life on her own (and with the help of her amazing family). I truly love her and am so proud of her. She is and will be an excellent mommy!
My Twin Soul Sisters -
These 2 girls, what can I say?! We met with the aid of my "little sister" and within minutes felt like we knew each other our whole lives. Upon meeting them, I didn't get the phony-friendly feeling that I get from some people who are just trying to be polite and PC. They kind of looked us up and down and seemed as if they were trying to figure us out. I was not used to this type of analyzation upon meeting someone and took this as a sign of defense. My only response was to put up a wall and ignore. I honestly don't know how or when that wall fell, but it must have been gradual and immediate at the same time. To this day, I don't know how it happened, but we clicked and it just worked. It's not fair to lump them together in this because they are so very different (but alike!). So I'll discuss both separately:
Twin Soul Sister 1 or TSS1 is amazingly awesome. I honestly don't know much about her home life, as she chooses to share only snipets of her family and upbringing. I am very honored to know what I do know about her personal life because she is the more private of my TSS's. Though she's not an open book, I feel like we have much in common. She is an amazing beauty, though she doesn't see it. An absolutely stunning individual with great, creative ideas. I wish she had all the resources available to implement a lot of her crazy but smart ideas! She's genius! She has a great heart and is passionately loyal. She has so many qualities about her that I wish I could have and just being in her presence makes me happy. She has such a calm but commanding presence even when not speaking or when she thinks she's blended into the environment. She never can! She stands out in more ways than one and I wish I had that 'thing' about her that she has. She's such a special friend to me and I love her with all my heart. When I leave from being with TSS1 & TSS2, I have to already have a time in my head when I will see them again or I get depressed. True story.
TSS2 is a bit different but the same! She's also an amazing person. I feel like she has allowed me to have more of a inside view of her family and personal life. Her family has been open and loving to me as well. And that same instant connection I had with her, I feel with them. She's smart, witty and very generous. She can handle any situation and though she can be a tough cookie, she has a sweet interior that I wish I could shield for her. I honestly don't know (or care) if my TSS's are older or younger than me, but I see them as role models. TSS2 (and 1) have been through so much recently and to see how she responds to adversities and troubles is so inspiring. I am in awe of her determination and spirit. She has been through things that would probably break other people but she continues on. She's a bright and beautiful fighter and I wish I had her confidence. A lot of times others may take note that I'm quiet or aloof. But I'm an observer and what I am probably doing is observing her - as a role model. She's also a great listener. I am not one to easily open up to people about the real me. There's a lot that I like to hide and keep private. But I find it easier to be honest with her because she's genuine. A true person to look up to and I love her as well with all my heart.
First Love, True Love:
This one is a bit harder because this one is a relationship that is felt and not spoken. It's one that may be real and may be in my head. But it IS 100% real to me because it's something that I feel in my heart. I've had such a connection with this person from the very beginning. From writing letters to radio stations about him and receiving unexpected responses. To seeing him randomly throughout the time when he was virtually inaccessible. To seeing him again years and years later and feeling the same. Though I've probably made a series of bad decisions that strained opportunities to act on any past windows of connections from the 80s and 90s, when I see him, when we make the slightest contact, I know that connection is still alive. It may not be something that I could ever act on, but the fact that the strong feeling is still there makes me so happy. It brings me alive so much that I would probably go to the ends of the earth for it and for him. My heart aches and craves that connection like nothing I've ever known. It's sometimes scary and sometimes I feel as though I should feel ashamed for it. But I honestly don't. There is a lot of 'show' and faking that is put on by this person. It's expected of him, it's part of his job. But I sometimes feel like I can see through it and gauge the true feelings. He has a lot of the personal traits that I have but on a much more exaggerated scale. What can I say? It's a Leo thing. No matter what decisions I make or where I end up, in my heart of hearts this person is my true love. And I'm happy and sad to say, there will be no other. Ever. I just want him to be happy. I can say that in all honestly. His happiness makes my heart and soul happy. Even if we both continue to make decisions that don't bring us together. 'however far away, I will always love him. however long I stay, I will always love him. whatever words I say, I will always love him. I will always love him.'
So
I'm not really sure what prompted this particular post. Again, I'm usually not that open emotionally. I'm the girl that is always happy, always positive and I know that everything works out, so there really isn't anything bad per se in my mind. And that is truly me, that's how I really am! I don't like to give any light or thought or time to things that hurt me or make me upset. I know that I'm only human, but why even put that out there. Negative things, bad feelings, bad people, tears, awful feelings... they don't deserve my slightest time. But I guess I just wanted to record my heartfelt feelings for these 4 people. I'm sure I could be called vain or naive, but I could not imagine my life from here to eternity without them. I hurt when they hurt and I am truly happy when they are as well. I am proud of them and I will support them in everything they do. I pray for them daily and wish there was a way that I could repay them for all the things they have given to me - tangible and intangible. I am truly honestly absolutely blessed to have them in my life. I am so lucky to have what I do have with them. And I hold it in such high respect. And I will aggressively do whatever I can to protect that.
